frgdr.com Blog

We all know Jews control the media. Yes, ever since our secret protocols were revealed the entire world knows our real intensions. Today as I watched will.i.am’s inspirational Yes We Can song in support of Presidential candidate Barack Obama, I could not help noticing how deep our control of the media goes, as one of our spies was able to insert a subliminal message in our secret Hebrew language.

Watch the clip, and roll to minute marks 1:09 and 1:44:

Now you know how Obama won^*: our very own Israeli-born Mossad agent/part-time model/struggling actress Maya Rubin was able to infiltrate the editing studio where the video was made, and inserted a message to all our sleeper agents in our encrypted holy tongue: ‘Ken, Anu Yeholim‘ which loosely translates to ‘Yes, We Can’. Those of you in the know remember that this is the same message that notified American Zionists not to go to work on that day in 2001.

^* At the time of publishing this post the polls are still open, so obviously this is another Jewish scheme^† to lure people who Google the subject.
^† Any reference to Jewish schemes, Zionists plots, acts of espionage and the general conspiratorial undertone in this post should be taken as mere satire by anyone reading this^‡.
^‡ Except for Jews, which are ordered to take this post literally by the General HQ.

Rabbi Raphael Halperin, owner of Optica Halperin (and a former wrestler), announced yesterday that he is cancelling the tender for the company’s advertising account. This was the first time in 19 years the company called a pitch to run its three million dollars account, but after reviewing the bids Halperin decided to continue advertising on his own, buying media as an individual.

Halperin told Maariv newspaper that he did not like any of the ad agencies’ bids, as all of them focused on changing the company – not advertising it.

I applaud Rabbi Halperin as it must be difficult to watch the current advertising trends, and say with conviction: You are all crazy, and I must be the only sane person left. While he did not elaborate, I am willing to put my money where my keyboard is and suggest each of the bids received included at least one of the following overused superficial makeovers:

The Acronym Shtick:
In lieu of creative thinking let’s just acronym the company’s Hebrew name into English letters, just like with these companies:

Matim Li   >>   ML
HaMashbir Mahsaney Ofna   >>   H&O
Lilith & Varda   >>   L&V
Avigdor Shoes   >>   AVG

The Color Shtick:
They say if you can’t make it good, make it big – and if you can’t make it big, make it red. The following companies actually paid money for this advice:

Cellcom (telecom)   >>   Purple
Pelephone (telecom)   >>   Blue
Orange (telecom)   >>   Orange
Bezeq (telecom)   >>   Blue
Mirs (telecom)   >>   Green
Hapoalim (bank)   >>   Red
Discount (bank)   >>   Green
Leumi (bank)   >>   Blue

The Logo Shtick:
One of my favorite shticks, and the one that proves ad agencies basically create their own market by convincing companies to change their logo every couple of years.
Here is a visual timeline I created for a number of leading Israeli companies, one not-so-leading company that has never changed its logo, and one organization that was brave enough to revert to its vintage logo after two years of using a new-and-improved logo.
Please note this is a draft and some dates are mere estimates.

As much as Israelis love English, Israeli business-owners like English puns and play on words better. Well, not really play on words, but what they perceive to be a clever play on words.

How about an Israel cosmetics company that apparently wanted to stress how inexpensive its products are, and came up with the ingenious name of Beauty-Free Cosmetics.
Yes, they wanted the customer to make a connection between the beauty products and the cost of similar products sold in the airport Duty-Free shops. These people love English so much they did not bother to check the meaning of ‘duty’ or ‘free’, and so they are now selling cosmetic products without beauty.

When I wanted to know how to get to a certain address in Jerusalem, these were the travel instructions I got from Israel’s leading mapping website emap.co.il:

…
7.  Straight on Agripas
8.  Turn left on Ki’akh
9.  Straight on Ha-Nevi’im
10. Take ramp to say what?
…

Yes, it is not a software bug; it is an induced-Hebrew-learning feature.