Oh Europe, Where Oh Where Did It All Go Wrong? – The Rise and Fall of The Eurovision Song Contest

It all went to the crapper in 1999 when two rulings annihilated the core essence of the Eurovision song contest we knew and loved: the cancellation of the national language restriction and the abolishment of the mandatory live orchestra rendered an annual event of joy and pride (!) into an annual ceremony of exasperation. Where once entire families gathered and listened to every song by every country, and crossed their fingers during the long tallying of the votes – now it seems that families gather to watch the opening performance, only to be dispersed by the second or third song, then gather again when someone yells ‘We’re on next!’, only to retire to bed as soon as it is clear which Eastern Bloc country excelled in mimicking a Britney karaoke performance. The time of Poupée de cire, poupée de son (Luxembourg, 1965) and J’aime la vie (Belgium, 1986) has gone, and the time for Every Way That I Can (Turkey, 2003) and Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland, 2006) has come.

This year’s official Irish submission for the 53rd Eurovision Song Contest is called Irelande Douze Pointe (sic) and I believe it will win. Like the 1992 Israeli submission ‘Ze Rak Sport’ (6th place) it is a Eurovision song about the Eurovision song contest, a 21st century Ars Poetica, if you will. Oh yeah, the lead singer is a puppet named Dustin the Turkey.

The 2008 Eurovision Song Contest will be held on May 24, 2008 in Belgrade, Serbia.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW8IHDxsTLE

Dustin the Turkey feat. Kitty B – Irelande douze pointe – Lyrics

Oh, I come from a nation
What knows how to write a song
Oh Europe, where oh where did it all go wrong?
Come on!
 
Irlande douze points
 
Drag acts and bad acts and Terry Wogan’s wig
Mad acts and sad acts, it was Johnny Logan’s gig
 
Shake your feathers and bop your beak
Shake ‘em to the west and to the east
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet
Wave ‘em in the air to the turkey beat
 
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
To the funky beat
Come on
 
G-O-B gobble B-L-E, yeah…
 
Hello ABBA, hello Bono, hello Helsinki
Hola Prague, hello sailor, c’est la vie
Auf Wiedersehen, Mamma Mia and God Save the Queen
G’day Austria, bonjour Serbia,
You know what I mean
 
Shake your feathers and bop your beak
Shake ‘em to the west and to the east
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet
Wave ‘em in the air to the funky beat

Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
(fart)
Aha
 
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
To the funky beat
Come on
 
Give us another chance, we’re sorry for Riverdance
Sure Flatley, he’s a Yank
And the Danube flows through France
Block vote, shock vote
Give us your twelve today
You’re all invited to Dublin, Ireland
And we’ll party the Shamrock way
 
Irlande douze points – Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points – Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points – Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points – to the funky beat
Come on
 
Irlande douze points, Irlande douze points
 
Eastern Europe, we love you
Do you like Irish stew?
Or goulash, as it is to you

Yes, it’s Bulgaria, we love you
Belarus, Georgia, Montenegro
Moldovia, Albania, Croatia
Poland, Russia, Ukraine, Macedonia
Don’t forget Turkey
Hungary, Estonia, Slovakia
Armenia, Bosnia-Herzegova
And don’t forget the Swiss – cheese!

One thought on “Oh Europe, Where Oh Where Did It All Go Wrong? – The Rise and Fall of The Eurovision Song Contest”

  1. The live version of this was so much better. It lacks a lot of passion when it’s being enunciated properly and not screamed. The stage show at the Irish finals was an amazing piece of surrealism, this “official” music video is just a flashy seizure-inducer.

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